Fellow Viagrans, Supporters + Sympathisers,

NEDLANDS DOWNS THE ROSSO NERI!

After several weeks of self doubt, self examination, self loathing and a handful of self abuse, Nedlands finally got their spunk together to put out a team of 14 pax to outplay their nemesis Stirling to notch a gutsy libido boosting win. This opposition clad in red and black are arguably the most skilful opponent this year after being towelled by them 4 and 5 nil in previous games. However, I had a pre-game vibe we were in for a win on Sunday despite some uncertainty over the availability of Gabe and Luka.

It was fantastic to see these 2 turn up ready for battle. The day began very early for our tango maestro. While some of you enjoyed a Sunday lie in or even some morning glory, Gabe at 0630 partook of the City to Surf half marathon run of 21km that he completed some 2 hrs later. Even more impressive was his Brazilian wife [careful...]who ran the remaining 21km ! Then for Gabe to play a football match 4 hrs later was testament to his legendary energy, endurance and eccentricity. Commitment and focus to the Masters of the highest order - inspirational stuff.

Special mention must also go to our Indigenous Award winner Luka, our own walkabout whisky striker who managed to extricate himself from familial bonds, another hangover, a chest infection, wart infested feet and a pot belly to return to the famous yellow NFC shirt. And didn't he dry retch so well on the pitch?? Some of us had tears in our eyes seeing Luka prostrate himself  Arab style after a gut busting run during the game. For a moment I'd thought he had turned fundamentalist paying his respects to Mecca.

So onto the match as we started with Adham keeper, back4 of the Swindler/MR sweeper/the hamstrung Damian Uranium/Dundee Bob; The dream(y) midfield comprised Captain Nemo/Mike Vicious/Dashing Dan with ansell-like protection provided by Kev our defensive midfielder. Strikers were the irrepressible James and our running man Gabe. Supersubs were Luka/Silverfox. We started well enough with everybody keen to give 110% and the midfield was knocking it around. The first 15min was pregnant with half chances with one highlight being Luka racing down the left to power a blistering unbelievable drive that rattled the woodwork ...of  2 gum trees about 20m to the left of the goals. Bit rusty our Luka but his intention was clear. Defensively we seemed comfortable fending away tepid  attacks aided well by the protective cover afforded by Kev  but our uncanny knack of conceding early soft goals emerged again. Nice to have some  consistency I suppose. After some backing off from our back 4, Stirling had advanced unhindered through our defensive third and rifled a low drive which Adham dived low to palm away, only for their no7 to follow up for a simple tap in 1 nil. Wakey wakey hands off snakey chaps.

However, our belief with plenty of game time and fresh legs on our side meant the match was far from over. By now Gabe trooped off understandably spent temporarily as  Martin crooned on, and even executed a wonderful Peter Crouch like bicycle kick which unluckily lacked direction, power, height and loop, only to be saved by the over nourished keeper Michelin Man. It was an even tussle but we noted Stirling was prone to the black arts of football 1970s Leeds Utd style and hammered/studded James/Luka/the Swindler mercilessly. One for the memory banks. This together with some dodgy off side calls proved too much for our Renaissance Man whose admirable self muzzlement temporarily disappeared and he launched a brief tirade before he trooped off quickly to cool down with his customary cigarette or three. Perhaps some Nicorette patches next time James to go with the mouthguard! Damian then took it upon himself to samba up solo from left back, through the midfield and into the Stirling penalty box but forgot to shoot and the chance went begging. Half time beckoned as we waltzed in for the Silverfox ruminations, expositions and critical insights afforded from centuries of footballing wisdom. Energy levels, morale, libido and confidence were still cock high as we kicked off the 2nd half. Will the equaliser come faster than Linda Lovelace ?

NFC then dominated most of the 2nd half as Stirling also began to tire from the relentless pressure of the NFC midfield passing. It was pleasing to see the various menage a trios plays between Mike V, George and Luka on the left which replicated our keepy off training drill. The right side also saw forays which culminated in Gabe breaking through for a 1 on 1 with Michelin Man who defied gravity to pull off an excellent save. James too had some chances and flicked a loft onto the woodwork.
Would the equaliser ever come ?

Finally, we earnt a free kick front on which George shaped up to strike. Luka had loitered with mischievous intent to score on the left and gestulated for a high diagonal ball to the far post for him to meet, which George duly delivered on a platter - only for the Swindler to bound in kangaroo style from nowhere, cut in front of Luka, launch himself backwards [or did he fall over ?] and head home the equaliser past a static Stirling ! Great worked goal full of improvisation, greed, accident and the comical.

Again we continued the wonderful foreplay passing football in midfield in search of the winner and the ball ended up with Mike Vicious on the left. In a shot reminiscent of Robbodinho's cross/shot goal v Kalamunda last year, Mr Vicious unleashed a lefty thunderbolt from the edge of the box which took off like his Viagra and kept rising, only to be restrained by the bulging goal net on the top right hand corner. What a cracker ! I don't know who was more stunned Stirling or NFC as Mike V raised his arms up Andrew Flintoff style and flashed his crocodilic grin. 2-1 !  We then managed to squander a series of gilt edged chances via Luka, James and George.

By now Damian's radioactive hamstring/calf was playing up and Silverfox had no choice but to pull him off [oh dear]. Kev slotted snugly at left back but this left a gaping hole in the middle of the park which Stirling greedily exploited. This led to their quicksilver no 7 breaking free, approach Adham and strike a passing shot as I followed up vainly - dead certain it was going in, only for it to bounce OUT off the post

Another danger was averted by Dan. Cometh the moment cometh the man as our man of steel testicles [refer 2008 match report v Balcatta] then showed everyone his biggest Tackle of the Year [thankfully not the John Holmes variety], as a loose ball wriggled clear in our box for a Panther to strike home before Dan pounced fearlessly to throw his humungous 4 stone muscled body to block a certain goal. Courage personified Mr Rodgers - well done mate. That was one of the defining moments of the game as the score remained 2-1 as we weathered the brief storm. NFC then launched another attack whose build up is hazy to me but I can only remember George falling over in the box and somehow nodding home goal no 3 - the sealer ! We then managed to close the game out as the ref finally blew time for a magnificent 3-1 win.

What a terrific team display of virile Viagra football where everybody put in 110% for a most deserved victory and nothing beats this  winning feeling, sometimes not even conjugal ecstasy. We then all enjoyed a post match beer at the clubhouse bar overlooking a womens premier league match and seeing all those fat bottom girls make the world go round [in the immortal words of Mr F. Mercury].

Cheers all - see youse at training !

MR

PS Before our drum Master Kev departs this Thursday for his European trade fair tour (supposedly of the Soho sexpo UK and Pigalle France), he was pleased to report on the Sol Campbell ambivalent sexuality transfer discussed some weeks ago. Sol WILL be playing for Notts County and the current rumours now abound whether a)he will be closely backed up by Gus Poyet; b) Notts' new strip will be rainbow coloured.