Fellow Viagrans, Supporters + Sympathisers ! 

Apologies for this rather late report as I actually do work during the day and not indulge in 3 hr lunches like most of you. 

Yes, it seems the Viagra magic is still within us  and there's no need for horny goat weed or nasal technology yet ! Bolgo - do these actually work ? [Not questioning your personal circumstance but chasing top unbiased medical advice for Masters' future reference]. 

Yesterday's game was auspicious in our short Masters history as Armadale was our very 1st match back in the dark days of April 06 when we lost6-2 in the Somme-like mud of Armadale's pitch, where we lost 5-6 players during that match including 3 in the 1st 10 min to career ending injuries. Scarred survivors from that bloodbath who also played yesterday were Keegan Stewart and the Rodrigo brothers. A shrine of remembrance will be set up for our fallen mates and monies collected for our impoverished penniless survivors, now reduced to driving old cars and busking in St Quentin Avenue. It is truly a measure of how green we used to be and how far our squad has progressed since as NFC cruised to victory yesterday in typhoon-like conditions at our home pitch.Everybody should pat themselves on the back ! 

Confidence was understandably sky high as we took took to the pitch buoyed by last week's gutsy win and anticipatory of another good performance. I recognised several Armadale players but also noted their new recruit - one Brad Hassell their midfield no 5. For those of you who followed Glory during their glory years of 2003-04 (and then jumped off the bandwagon thereafter), Brad was part of Glory's wonderful midfield of Andre Gumprecht, Simon Colosimo, Edgar Jnr and Matty Horsley. Yes old stars don't fade away - cricketers retire to the 7 commentary box while footballers like us end up playing Masters games at greatly deflated wages. Actually we paid the club to play Masters - shows you how far the once great have fallen! I didn't want to mention Brad to anyone at the time for fear of you lot being stagefright on the pitch and start to fawn over Brad with your autograph books. 

Our 1st setback was Luka as usual losing his toss so we kicked off with our infamous wind at our backs and what a breeze it was ! Skirts flew up, dentures flew out, glasses flew off, brollies  turned inside out, balls flew into the drink, passes took on superhuman strengths and throw-ins became 50m lobs. But standing immoveable in this wind were our collosal dream centrebacks in Martin Stalin and Aberdonian George. Both looked most vicious, ominous and intimidating, in particular Big George with his new stylish minimalist haircut aided by Martin's steely stare.Simon and Simon also puffed their massive chests out and I deliberately didn't shave for coarse Mad Max effect. Nick the keeper also grunted expletives under his Armani breath. This George-Martin combination was responsible for more hits on Armadale than the Beatles (music lesson for Tony the Elder whose music hasn't progressed beyond AC/DC and Judas Priest - should be listening to Celine Dion at your age ?), and whatever forward forays by Armadale were swatted away like flies. With the unshakeable Fab 4 in defence, the dream(y) team midfield of Robbodinho, Tony the Younger, Kev Charlie Palmer and Ironballs Dan and aided by Alec and Brian, dominated with plenty of bulldog ball winning and precise passing which brought tears of joy to our Masters co-founder Steve Meerwald who watched us in disbelief from the sidelines. Overcome with emotion at the samba football he himself couldn't play due to a gammy leg, he left the game shortly after we were 4 nil up to recover his emotional composure. This domination was such that NFCs 1st goal had to come as surely as a pint going down Tony Dixon's gullet. This time, none of Dan's appendages were in the way and were well tucked in with this wind around as Kev prodded home the first goal to calm our karma after what happened with Kalamunda. The fearsome attacks continued with wonderful interplays between Big Bad Frank and Firebrand Luka which in the blink of an eye saw us scorch to a 4 goal lead inside 25min. Talk about virile Viagra football with a capital V ! I myself could only clearly recall Frank's 1st goal when I crossed from the right which Luka again tumbled acrobatically in the box trying to head. Frank ignored this childish distraction, cooly trapped the ball and crashed it into the net past their despairing over-nourished keeper [He did have a lovely pot belly on him didn't he ?] We really should have been 7nil up at half time but for some very questionable Armadale linesmanship which called every NFC pass past their back 4 as offside. Utter bollocks ! I must commend Frank and Luka's admirable restraint in the face of such blatant unsportsmanlike display but I sensed they needed all the help they could get with their mounting injury problems. This constant stoppage interfered with NFCs attacking fluidity and Brad Hassell stole in on the left to assist Armadale notch their 1st goal. Armadale's relief was palpable and one sensed they may have copped earlier hidings.Steve, has Football West now posted the earlier match results ? This is taking longer to do than the pyramids.[Newsflash -apparently the tables are up and updated]. 

The 2nd half resumed where we left off with continued dominance but no quick goals as both teams struggled with typhoon-like winds blowing into the river. To illustrate the wind velocity, I had one spare ball by the pitch blow away in to the water some 10m away. However us NFC He-men stood tall and erect as the wind has no effect whatsoever on those of us sporting dentures and toupes. [You know who you are]. By this time, NFCs increasing dominance was such that our infamous passing game was wrecking havoc especially on the flanks. Through pass after through pass pierced Armadale's back 4 and that wonderful Viagra feeling was back !Bring on Tony the Elder ! This man's timing and technique (talking football here, not procreation) was spectacular as another ferocious attack by Frank was parried by their keeper's hefty gut, only to fall at the feet of Tony who was in like Flynn to score NFCs 5th ! What a supersub - he was only on for 3 or so minutes ! Poor Dan was totally crapped off big time as he had toiled all day for no return and was oh-so-unlucky to miss 2 or 3 chances. Better luck next time. Armadale then countered with a stinging attack on the right, saved courageously by Nick only to be knocked in by a follow up striker. 5-2. 

At this stage, NFC was now playing vivacious viva virile viagra football veering all over the park via Tony D vigorously stroking the ball effortlessly left, right and centre with plenty of width and length to our violently ravaging strikers. It was awesome to watch. Tony the Elder was now more insatiable for the ball than a Sydney queen, stringing great one twos with Frank on the left. And then Supersub hits again for a well taken second goal after again being in the right place and the right time. How does he do it ?? Apprentice senior citizen strikes again for Greypower ! As usual - it is not about quantity but quality, chaps. 

Again bloody Brad Hassell came back into the scene firing off a speculative long range shot at a by now snoozing Nick who misjudged the pace and bounce to yield them a consolation goal - a most sporting gesture from our gentlemanly keeper. And again NFC countered with Frank and Luka springing the offside traps, aided by massive pre-season weight loss and resultant enhanced acceleration, latched onto many a through pass to shamelessly squander several chances. Luka's dexterity also included dramatic improvisations in the penalty box (called diving to the general populace) which earnt a pen for NFC. We now come to the most contentious moment of the whole match ! Luka refused to take the pen after the Wembley miss and offered it to Dan. Dan's eyes lit up for a moment then some wag yelled out 'You take it Tony !' Tony the Younger shaped up for the task to be bundled over in the rush by Tony the Elder who raced up for a chance of a hattrick. I yelled out 'Miss it and you buy drinks'. To Tony's chagrin, he too did a Luka and skied it over the bar - what a shame. Armadale breathed a collected sigh of relief.Penalty taking is something we will have to work on as we have now missed a few and can't afford to once we start playing World Club Masters football. Perhaps we'll have to consult Germanic advice as they never seem to miss penalties ! Anybody with a bit of Hun in them who can assist ? 

However this disappointment was quickly compensated by another goal to make it 7-3, with Frank and Luka scoring 2 each and Kev accounting for the other. Great effort strikers! What a wonderful NFC win with 100% commitment by all present on/off the pitch. This tremendous team spirit was also evidenced by our injured Ironman Bolgo who turned up on bicycle to watch and Adam 'Souness' Solingham who isn't even registered but was guest linesman. Unfortunate lowlights was Alec's repeat injury. His reputation is now taking on Harry Kewell-like proportions with moments of possible brilliance terminated by lengthy injury spells. Simon England heard his knee click from a complex ballet movement, a departure from his usual run through brick walls approach. Hope to see Alec, Simon, Bolgo and John Ashton in a few weeks. 

In conclusion, a most satisfying win in cyclonic conditions and we now have a bye this weekend.