As they say in the classics, a week is a long time in football ! Apologies for the lack of a match report for last week’s 4-2 away loss to Rockingham – had a shocking week work wise but fortunately the stresses were relieved with a St Georges Day function on Friday [thoroughly recommended for the anglophiles amongst you]. Last week’s game plan was based on the rationale that if we didn’t know our strategy/tactics, neither would the opposition ! [Remember Thommo’s words before bowling boucers against the nerveless English batsmen c 1974 ?].

However, thanks to our own footballing Guru Luka who spent the entire week in contemplation of the team’s tactics, we had our usual 4-4-2 suitably tweaked with continental cunning to produce a well executed performance yesterday. This was backed up by Luka’s constant barking of instructions from his lofty goalkeeping possie to various recalcitrants to hold their position. Even Big Bad Frank was speechless during this verbal onslaught – awesome stuff !

The match exploded into action as a cobra-like NFC outfit (in lieu of last week’s Monty Python semblance) sprang into life Viagra style to score 2 goals inside the first 5 minutes ! I didn’t know who was more surprised – Kalamunda or NFC. As usual the goals were set up from the back, aided by an industrious midfield and delivered on a platter for Johnny Ipswich Aston and Big Bad Quiet Frank to score. As we all know Frank has a bigger kick than an irate mule with his left foot, so bear in mind to put the ball on his left – his first goal was a beauty scorcher Kewell style than flew past their hapless keeper.

The match then settled into a ding dong battle as Kalamunda took advantage of the famous Nedlands breeze to keep the ball in our half but our admirable back 4,was ably marshalled by our giant Glaswegian George Lumsden. A big thanks to George to show up – think he told his wife he had to nip out to get some milk. It would be fair to say the sadists amongst us are salivating with the prospect (when Tony Stewart departs overseas) of both George and Martin Animal Allen starring together at centre backs, to physically and metaphorically crush opposition strikers. I have spoken to Royal Perth about pre-ordering ambulances to cart away fairly maimed players at our next home game. A big blow however descended as our Director of Coaching Tony Stewart limped off halfway through the 1^st half with a groin/calf injury. A quick reshuffle ensued to maintain our defensive shape as I quickly snaffled back from midfield to partner George – with a typically Gutsy performance from our right back marathon athlete [I am not joking – like Richard, he is training for the Sydney marathon] and our increasingly adventurous left back Simon Prue. Half time beckoned as we went into the break for more strategic ruminations from Guru Luka. The 2^nd half unfortunately started with a soft goal conceded and we were now 2-1 ahead but NFC confidence and shape never wavered. The Viagra was still potent. The midfield fab4 of Kevin Gazza Sanderson, Johnny Ashton, Richard Pearce and Lee Holsgrove continued tracking back and advancing forward with admirable stamina. A particular highlight was Simon ’Arne Riise’ Prue galloping as a true wing back on the left to taunt a now visibly tiring opposition as evidenced by their constant rotations. Quicksilver Dan Petrov Rodgers was also wrecking havoc on the right burning off their left back with his sober pace and guile [see what happens when you play without a hangover?]. Brian then came on to replace Gordon Ironman Sterwart and handled his rightback assignment well, with promptings form a now audibly hoarser Luka. May have to invest in a megaphone next game. The pressure soon told as a wonderful cross from the right was nodded in by Frank and Gazza then slotted home the 4^th. The ref also had a good game dishing out a yellow card to the opposition and finally blew the whistle to signal a 4-1 victory to the Nedlands Viagra Cobras ! 

Important observations :

1. Great communication with constant hearty yelling which made our respective tasks easier. Still room for improvement though as Gazza managed to kung fu kick Cantona style our Richard during a header. Concerns of broken ribs dissipated as Richard caught his breath and resumed his marathon running feats. We also need a Glaswegian interpreter.
2. Passing to the feet and not panicking was paramount as the temptation to hoof it long with the aid of the breeze was maturely resisted as we stuck to the game plan.
3. Match fitness has improved beyond belief. Until he limped off, Tony Keegan Stewart looked unstressed compared to the same game last year when a cardiac arrest always seemed plausible.

However a sore note was the break into Tony’s car which led to the loss of his mobile phone and Sat nav device. Sorry to hear about that Tony. Also sorry to hear they didn’t take your West Ham mascot too. This serves as a timely reminder this is what happens when you live in such a dodgy crime infested place like Nedlands with unemployed idle layabout retirees loitering around with intent to add further to their material well-being.

Pl email me your match availability for Sunday’s game (as Richard will be away for the next 3 weeks due to his international peace keeping expeditions). The match is away to Canning City with 1300 kickoff (Luka pl confirm).

See you at training tomorrow 1830 at NFC – bring the aerogard. 

May the (Viagra) Force Be with You ! 

Michael 

PS Steve – I have several players’ membership cars and the match book. Who has the other cards ? Need for Sunday. Ta